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第14章 Hanover Square追忆似水年华（第1页）

HanoverSquare（追忆似水年华）

Canitreallybesixty-twoyearsagothatIfirstsawyou?

Itistrulyalifetime，Iknow。ButasIgazeintoyoureyesnow，itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatIfirstsawyou，inthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare。

FromthemomentIsawyousmile，asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby。Iknew。IknewthatIwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou。

IstillthinkofhowfoolishImusthavelooked，asIgazedatyou，thatfirsttime。Irememberwatchingyouintently，asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers。Ifeltmyselfbeingimmersedinyoureverydetail，asyouplacedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea，gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips。

Fromthatmoment，everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome。Thepeopleinthecaféandthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur。AllIcouldseewasyou。

AllthroughmylifeIhaverelivedthatveryfirstday。Many，manytimesIhavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday，andhowforafewfleetingmomentsIamthere，feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime。ItpleasesmethatIcanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears，andIknowIwillalwayshavethemtofortme。

NotevenasIshookandtrembleduncontrollablyinthetrenches，didIforgetyourface。Iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud，terrified，asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme。Iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart，andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet。Iwouldcryoutinfear，asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme。But，asIthoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme，everythingaroundmewouldbebeesilent，andIwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments，farfromthedeathanddestruction。ItwouldnotbeuntilIopenedmyeyesonceagain，thatIwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme。

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Icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen，whenIreturnedtoyouonleaveintheSeptember，feelingbattered，bruisedandfragile。WeheldeachothersotightIthoughtwewouldburst。IaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandIwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaid“yes“tobeingmybride。

I“mlookingatourweddingphotonow，theoneonourdressingtable，nexttoyourjewellerybox。Ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen。IrememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeaCheshirecat，whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeIlookedinmyuniform。Thephotoisoldandfadednow，butwhenIlookatit，Ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth。Icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou，withitsfinedelicatelaceandprettypearls。IfIconcentratehardenough，Icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoproudlyforeveryonetosee。

Irememberbeingsooverenjoyed，whenayearlater，yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily。

Iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudearly;theyareoutsidethedoornow，waiting。

DoyourememberhowIpanickedlikeamadmanwhenJonathonwasborn?Icanstillpictureyoulaughingandsmilingatmenow，asIclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms。Iwatchedasyourlaughterfadedintotears，asIstaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy。

SarahandTomarrivedthismorningwithlittleTessie。Canyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttime?Ican“tbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth。Iamtryingnottocry，mylove，asItellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes，sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet。Shehasherhaircutshortnow，justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago。WhenImetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove，justlikeyoursusedtodo，mydarling。

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Iknowyouaretired，mydear，andImustletyougo。ButIloveyousomuchithurtstodoso。

Aswegrewoldtogether，Iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet。Butitistrue，mydarling。Idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee。WhenIlookatyounow，Ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesatandhadoutfirstpicnicnexttothatsmallstream，andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree。Irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldlastforever。Doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere?

Imustgonow，mydarling。Ourchildrenarewaitingoutside。Theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou。

Iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor，sothatIcankneelbesideyou。Ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverylasttime。

Sleeppeacefullymydear。

Iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme，butpleasedon“tworry。Iamcontent，knowingIwillbewithyousoon。Iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou。

Iknowitwon“tbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare。

Goodbye，mydarlingwife。

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我们初次相遇，难道真的是六十二年前吗？